Strava

Sunday 6 August 2017



Yet more parkrun days. Tweet me @scott_leach




A north east parkrun tourism day 5/8/17

07:30 Wake in premier inn that overlooks the whitewater centre at the Tees Barrage. Tourist parkrun, baby!!
07:40. Might as well have shower seeing how course is a 2 minute walk away. It'll make a change not to smell BEFORE the parkrun for once
08:00 Leisurely cup of tea
08:30 Wander down to start. No one about. Several other parkrun tourist wandering about looking confused. One asks, "Where's the start?" turns out we're all newbies
08:40 Find bloke who knows and he confirms we're in right spot. No one really knows where I can dump bag. End up letting myself in to building at finish line and leaving bag under bench in changing rooms. Managed to forcibly remove strap on garmin by sticking hand through slats on bench, cue quick repairs. Hope bag is still there when come back!
09:00 Admit to being a tourist from Leeds at the RD brief
09:01 And parkrun is go!
09:02 Up the ramp on to the first bridge. Treated to amazing view down the river!
09:03 Running just behind the front pack of 6 runners who slowly pull away, damn them!
09:10ish Up the steps to the bridge at the far end, suddenly feel knackered! Try to employ my fell racing experience down ramps. Utterly fail. At least the back half of course will have tailwind, hoping for a fast finish!
09:10-20 Struggling, not feeling it at all! Running all alone, runners in front and behind are a long way away!
09:18 Come to junction in path, not totally obvious which way to go, no marshal and no runners around, take my best guess!
09:19 Thin path surrounded by trees, no runners around to see if am going the right way...
09:20 Aaaaaaand I have gone..........the right way! Phew!
09:21. Finish with an average pace of 3:56 per k, good for a 19 and a half minute time... but wait... 20:32 on the watch and also 5.2km...and last night someone mentioned on facebook that the course start is where it is to make sure the start isn't too narrow...not suspicious at all! Good job it's a run not a race or I would demand my money back!
09:25 Backpack is still safe in the changing rooms!
09:35 Finish last k with Sophia
09:50 Stumble back to hotel for cup of tea, will find cake and or bacon later!
10:40 Text message: Scott, your time in position 7 today at Tees Barrage parkrun was 20:31. Well done on your first run here. We deliberately keep the course long to stop people becoming evil with sub 20 times. Congratulations on staying a good person this week

Prediction for this evening: Prosecco, after all, it's still a PB at Tees Barrage, right?




A parkrun-Harrogate-challenge cup semi-final-Jed's belated 40th party- day 29/7/17


07:00 Up early to travel to Harrogate for last chance for club championship. Fast course, time to try to go under 19 minutes for the first time ever. Need a 3:48 mins per k average
08:05 Leave for Harrogate full of caffeine, porridge and a head full of boyish dreams of a PB
08:10 Skoda DJ selects "July" by Ocean colour scene. Well played, SDJ, well played
08:20 SDJ selects a Shires song for Sophia. Endure 3 minutes of mind-numbingly bad music. Bad SDJ, very bad SDJ.
08:30 The Stray, Harrogate, completely deserted apart from a few marshals and the RD.
08:35 Harrogate course: 3 laps of a rectangular section of the Stray, 2 sides perfect tarmac path, 2 sides grass, completely flat. Difficult shoe choice, go for vibram five finger trek ascent
08:45 Use the *remarkably* clean park toilets. Not sarcasm!! Surprisingly few graffitied offers of sex in the toilet cubicles
08:50 Meet Jed and Fliss Dave Hickman from Fellandale and discuss Jed's lack of regulation blue Fellandale shorts. He will be punished
08:55 *POOF* 350 people appear like magic
09:05 pAAAAAAAAAAAARKRUUUUUUUUUUN!!
09:05:01 Nidd valley runner goes off like a rocket, moving amazingly well for a muscular guy! Wonder if he will keep it up...
09:06 Packed mud paths turn out to be a bit slippy, run on grass at side for increased grip and so I don't "split my difference"
09:10 Must concentrate on even splits, mustn't blow up like a cheap hooker!!
09:12ish Garmin average showing 3:44 at 2k!!!! PB is on!!!
09:17 3rd k; 4 minutes, DAMNIT! Got to speed up!! Slap self in face several times for adrenaline boost
09:20ish Get back in front of young runner who had over taken me earlier. Watch showing 3:50 average, need to finish it big style!! 800 metres to go! Where's an East German coach with a syringe when you need one?
09:20summat. Finishing straight on good tarmac with wind at back. Giving it everything!! Ripon runner is in front, good going bloke!
09:20summatandabit. Look at watch and.....3:47 average!!!!!!!!

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!! I DID IT!!! I FLUFFING DID IT!!!

09:25 Wait a second.............time.................19:28. W.T.F?!!?!?>!?!!?! W.T.parkrunning.F??!!!

Distance...5.13km!!!! GODSDAMNIT!!!!!!!!

F%&* YOU PARKRUN. F£$% YOU HARROGATE!!!! F*&% YOU EVERYONE!!!!!! F£%& IT ALL TO HELL IN A HAND BASKET!!!!!!

09:35 After 10 minutes of deep breathing and meditation, appreciate that parkrun is a run not a race and pleased to run my fastest ever average kilometre pace for a 5k. Cheer in Jed and Dave, chat to RD and thank him for an excellent event. Head off to complete last lap with Sophia.
11:41 Text message: Scott, your time in position 8 today at Harrogate parkrun was 19:29. Well done on a new PB. As per parkrun law, you must now consume several glasses of prosecco until you start to talk more gibberish than usual
12:10 Nidd valley runner turns out to be a vet 50-54 with a PB of 18:22!! DAI-YUM!
12:15 Time to set off for the mighty Hull FC in the challenge cup semi-final. It's not all about the parkrun ya know (But mostly it is)





A parkswim day 22/7/17


07:30 Wake to the sound of hammering rain
07:40 Select suitable kit for conditions: cap, rain jacket, mudclaws, canoe, bilge pump, cure for trench foot
07:45 AHHHHHHHH caffeine
07:50 Porridge. Must take run today seriously now nemesis has stopped running scared in Italy and has come back to Wetherby
08:00 Sophia dons her brand new Wetherby AC "Couch to 5k hero" vest for her "graduation run" with the other runners from the beginners' group
08:10 Set off in pounding rain. Skoda DJ selects "Wait for me" by Kings of Leon- Nice choice! Then it goes for a Travis track, but I pick a better one "Why does it always rain on me?"
08:30 Arrive in deserted car park in torrential rain. Put on serious Inov8 raceshell220 fell runner's association- approved taped-seam hooded rain jacket
08:50 Spot nemesis and offer to re-tie his shoes... He declines. Curses, my plan is foiled!
08:55 Rain nearly clears up leaving only slight drizzle. Take off serious rain jacket and walk to start with cap on to keep drizzle out of eyes
09:00 Torrential rain restarts- too late to get jacket!!!!
09:02ish Swim away from start. Rain turns biblical. Shirt and shorts immediately glued to skin. Bilge pump working over-time to bail out undercrackers
09:03 Nemesis just in front, tuck in behind
09:05 Over take nemesis and attempt to "psyche him out" "Beer and pizza diet for 2 weeks eh, Steve?"
09:10 Running in small pack with 2 other runners. Each time one slows down one others speeds up. My companions are man in 50 shirt and j15-17 lady
09:10-18 Positions swap in 3 runner pack, but make a break for it and over take both of them!
09:16 Passed by nemesis, godsdamnit!!! He opens up a 5 metre lead
09:17 10 metres
09:18 5 metres
09:18:30 Over taken by j15-17 lady (She got a PB)
09:19 20 metres. Enter final 100m. Vanquished by nemesis once again!! Even a week of beer and pizza in Italy hasn't slowed him sufficiently for me to get him! Grrrrr!
09:22 Literally wring out tshirt!
09:25 Take off shoes and go for a barefoot last lap with Sophia who breaks 40 minutes for the first time in smashing her pb by 1 minute 33 seconds! Proud boyfriend :)
09:35 Bacon butties and hot tea in sports assoc whilst drying out with the 5k beginners' group.
09:40 Rain stops!! Bloody typical
10:30 Buy 2 bottles of sparkling Italian pink wine
10:53 Text message: Scott, your time in position 6 at Wetherby parkrun today was 19:23. Thank goodness you didn't drown and we think you look amazing in a wet tshirt





A small p for parkrun, a giant P for mankind 15/7/17


07:30 Ignore alarm and hit snooze
07:35 Fall out of bed sideways, but manage to avoid killing cat
07:40 Watch drizzle slowly erm, drizzle down outside whilst filling coffee machine with Kenyan roast
07:45 Back up the dump truck at the household waste recycling centre
07:50 Don 3 Peaks race tshirt to remind myself I was quite hard once upon a time
07:55
08:10 Skoda DJ has developed sick sense of humour first playing "Waterfront" by Simple minds (Come in, come out of the rain) Then "Man don't cry" by the Christians
08:20 Arrive at Wetherby to streaming rain in a deserted park. Good job have brought mudclaws! (Didn't need them, wore vibram 5 fingers instead)
08:45 Rain stops and all sorts of very fit looking pro-runner types appear- York parkrun is cancelled this week!
08:50 Nemesis is not here this week having chosen to hide out in Italy all week to avoid the competition. He has been mainly posting gorgeous photos to social media
09:05 GO!
09:05:01 Bloke dressed in "gym gear" (bright luminous sleeveless top, leggings that end below the knee) sets off like a rocket and is leading at 50m. Instantly becomes this week's nemesis
09:06 Running in small group of people, unusual for Wetherby!
09:07 Nemesis fades in to distance. VICTORY IS MINE!! BWAAA HA HAAA!!!
09:08-10 Pack thins as runners begin to fade.
09:10 Determined to run even splits for once instead of dying away mid-run like flan in a cupboard
09:15 Chase down runner in front, settle in to 5th place.
09:15 to 09:25summat. PAIN!
09:25 Lay on floor in pool of sweat. I am dying, actually dying. Call an ambulance. No, I'm serious, I can see angels and a golden gate. No St Peter, I'M NOT READY!
09:30. Realise have run under 20 again, can feel the evil beginning to grow.
09:32 Make rude gesture at passing sea gull
11:41 Text message: Scott, your time in position 5 today at Wetherby parkrun was 19:27. You are now fully evil again, feel free to never return those library books you borrowed




It's a parkrun world 24/6/17


07:30 Alarm after actual full night's sleep!!
07:45 Drink coffee while contemplating today's run. Last chance for club championship points at Oakwell Hall. Beamsley Beacon fell race on Thursday and lots of tough training this week may not have been best idea. Ah well, time to enjoy the view instead!
08:15 Skoda DJ selects Africa by Toto for no apparent reason. Never mind, it's a great track
08:55 Thoroughly enjoy today's RD briefing as lots of tourists, a 50 run, a 150 run and a Ruby wedding anniversary! PARTY!
09:01 IT'S PAAAAAAAAAAAAAARKRUN (Shout in Noddy Holder from Slade's voice)
09:01:10 Spot fellow race photog, Philip Bland and do silly jump for photo. I may regret that
09:05 If you want to be the best, if you wanna beat the rest, oh, oh, undulation's what you need!
09:10 Resist urge to shout out "FREE SPEED!!" (TM Scott Jurek) on all the downhills when over taking people
09:15 Overtaken by very small child (JM 11-14)
09:18 Over take very small child on downhill
09:20 Over taken by very small child again
09:22 Beaten by very small child
09:23 Highly amuse young token scanners with my expert "snot rocket" (No one was injured in the execution of said rocket)
09:25 Grab camera and collapse on to floor whilst snapping away
09:50 Persuade volunteers to give up slice of anniversary cake. Nom, as you say, nom, as you correctly point out, nom
10:00 Watch incredibly cute dog playing football with boys in courtyard
10:05 Highly amused when ball bounces in to ladies toilets followed swiftly by cute dog. Boys are able to retrieve neither ball nor dog
10:10 Fight off "vicious" puppy attack from the gorgeous Poppy
10:43 Scott, your time in position 11 today at Oakwell Hall parkrun was 21:18. Well done. You're looking great today, have you been working out?




A ParkTrump (TM) day 17/6/17


07:00 Wake and do 1000 press-ups. I am the fittest man. No one is fitter than me, trust me
07:10-07-30 Sign executive orders making it illegal not to run Parkrun on a Saturday, to funnel-duck or to spell Parkrun with a small P
07:45 Put extra strong glue on head
08:00 Eat the best breakfast, really, just a tremendous breakfast
08:30 Check on building of wall around local Parkrun. Needs to be higher. More bigly even
08:45 Tweet that I will be winning Parkrun today
08:50 100,000 people turn up to run at Parkrun to support me
08:55 Have security throw out anyone who looks a bit foreign
09:00 Give short presentation on new Trump Trainers (TM) . These are really tremendous trainers, just the best, trust me. You should buy some today then you can Parkrun like me.
09:45 End of presentation. Can now start Parkrun
09:50 Stop to tweet about how I am the best parkrunner, really, believe me
09:56 Set new 5k world record of 11:59. Insist on being given time despite not having a barcode.
10:00 Tweet: My Parkrun was covfefe, truly, covfefe
10:30 Eat nearly all the cake, leave half a slice for everyone else.
11:00 News media reporting that I didn't win Parkrun. FAKE NEWS!!! #sad
18:00 Fox news special on my athletic ability, including all the olympic medals I could have won if I didn't decide to be the best TV celebrity ever




A parkrun crisis day 10/6/17

07:30 Awake to alarm, refreshed and feeling great and ready to run.
07:31 Just kidding, feel knackered as usual and hair looks like a hungover hedgehog that's been in a fight in a Wetherspoons at 3am
07:32 Look outside at curtain of rain falling from grey sky.
07:40 Sainsbury's own brand ground coffee in the machine. God, I feel so middle class
07:45 Select Oslo marathon tshirt for rare outing- have to limit its appearances as writing is starting to come off. Put rain jacket in bag
08:00 Start cajoling Sophia to ensure we leave on time
08:15 Skoda DJ, being an expert in irony chooses "Run to the Sun" by Erasure to help me drive through rain
08:35 Arrive at parkrun to find half the course covered by a surprise diveyball tournament
08:40 Crisis talks held between volunteers and I am dispatched off around the field to measure a lap.
08:50 Arrive back at start and report an 850ish metre lap. Cue frenzied counting on toes and fingers; hopefully 6 laps with the finishing funnel to be moved to try to get the right distance!
08:52 Try to find any runner that is faster than me to ensure first runner can let volunteers know where finishing funnel should be!
Spot nemesis who claims to be on for a slow time today due to having run 2 races during the week. I know him and I don't buy it ;)
08:55 Decided not to use waterproof jacket as I am wearing my special waterproof skin today and only recently had all the leaks in it blocked up
09:05 After an extended run brief, PARKRUNNNNNNNN
09:05:01 Nemesis blisters away from the start and quickly disappears in a blur of speed. I knew he was full of it ;)
09:10 ROLL UP, ROLL UP FOR THE ALL-NEW WETHERBY PARKRUN MERRY-GO-ROUND WITH MORE LAPS FOR YOUR MONEY!!! ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND WE GO! SCREAM IF YOU WANT TO GO FASTER!
09:15 After a week of being ill, lungs put up the little white flag pretty early
09:20-summat. Finish in "new PB" time. Definitely not due to a slightly short course. Oh no. definitely not. #alternativefacts
09:21 Take off shoes and go lovely and barefoot on the wet grass whilst I run with Sophia on her last 3 laps
09:40-summat. Sophia manages to keep in front of Adrian Kennedy who is pushing Iris in a buggy and encouraging Finn to run in between short trips on the front of the buggy
09:45 Castigate Adrian for having not tripped nemesis as requested. he had ONE job
10:00 Bacon and Yorkshire tea, paid for by Adrian. Suppose I will forgive him
10:28 Scott, your time in position 4 at Wetherby parkrun today was 19:16. Well done on a new PB. Thanks also for volunteering. Whilst we're at it, has anyone told you just how nice your bum looks in those shorts?
10:45 Reflect on fact that first 7 runners home got new PBs. Not suspicious at all, oh no, not suspicious at all. #morealtfacts
18:00ish. Prosecco to celebrate sophia's pb



A parkrun tourist day 13/5/17

07:00 Alarm
07:01 Very much consider staying in bed as not been able to train properly in a while
07:05 Survey injuries from major faceplant week last Tuesday: Graze and bruise to left shoulder nearly healed, shoulder still a little sore. Big toe a little tender and a little swollen. Ah well, I'll run anyway, what could possibly go wrong?
07:10 COFFEE!
07:20 Enter bathroom *CENSORED FOR PUBLIC DECENCY*
07:50 Miraculously leave house early, I say miraculously, because have Sophia with me!
07:50-08:35 Skoda DJ plays variety of entirely inappropriate songs for a parkrun day. Silly Skoda DJ. Eventually plays "What a feeling" from Flash dance as we enter Ripon. Have to do I suppose! I feel demotivated, Sophia just the opposite
08:45 Arrive at world heritage site: Fountain's Abbey and wander through stunning scenery down to start.
08:50 Warm up to check on toe. Quite sore. Might end up run/walking with Sophia.
09:00 Stand on very narrow and congested path at start. Wonder if very small child standing in front of me is fast enough to be there or really should be elsewhere to avoid being trampled.
09:03 PARKRUN.
09:04 parkshuffle as immediately blocked by slower runners and man pushing buggy, narrowly avoid tripping over. Hear large thump behind me as someone takes heavy tumble
09:06 Small child from start line still with front pack and running very well. Club team mate Patrick Wardle is up ahead and I can see him leading parkrun!!
09:06 Discover going downhill is "interesting" on toe
09:07 Feeling pretty good, go through first k in 3:40 well under 19 minute pace!
09:08 Lungs suddenly put up white flag and attempt to go sit in bunker. Persuade them to keep working which they do, just about, whilst in large sulk
09:10 Running along side man with very cute doggy
09:11 Cute doggy gets distracted by passer-by and wanders the wrong side of stake markers, owner realises at last minute and pulls dog towards him, dog slams in to stake. Man stops to check on dog which seems to be ok
09:15 Hanging.....in.........
09:18 Caught again by man with cute doggy, then passed by man with larger dog. Cute doggy tries to say hello to larger dog, bolts across path and disaster only avoided by man with larger dog executing very quick hurdle. Amazing reactions!
09:20 and change. Finish in a shower of sweat and gravel. Discover it's a bus ride to have your finish token scanned
09:30-45 Find Sophia and cajole/encourage her through to end for her second parkrun finish making sure to wave at volunteers not to stop watch again for me
10:00 Sit in cafe with Patrick, Laura and Sophia dissecting runs. Patrick finished 5th, Laura 99th.
11:24: Text message:Scott, your time in position 24 today at Fountains Abbey parkrun was 20:16. Better luck next week, you're still damnably sexy though
13:30 Sophia harasses the buggery-feck out of me asking questions about garmin connect and strava...beginning to regret encouraging her...
14:00 Damage report: Big toe quite tender and throbbing a little, wonder if I'll pay for this in the morning?




If Carlsberg did parkruns


10:00 Awoken gently by choir of angels softly singing
10:01 Time machine engaged, clock returns to 07:30
07:35 Arrive down in kitchen to find fresh ground coffee and bacon sandwiches on a silver platter
07:40 Breakfast on sun-bathed balcony over-looking nudist beach full of models
08:10 Long hot shower in a shower that doesn't constantly run boiling hot and freezing cold and completely fails to respond to movements of the heat controller
08:20 Put on lightest running kit ever that instantly makes me look both slim and muscular and it definitely doesn't smell of that ingrained sweat smell that's nigh-on impossible to remove
08:25 Picked up by chauffeur driving Stretch Skoda.
08:27 Skoda DJ plays brand-new never-before-heard Kings of Leon track entitled "You're the best parkrunner ever, Scott"
08:35 Arrive to find course has been changed to a 5k loop of perfectly flat, hand-manicured grass that is just slightly damp, yet warm with no turns, perfect for running barefoot
08:40 Steve Cram, Steve Ovett and Seb Coe all turn up and have a bit of a chat before lining up for the run near me
08:50 Stroke an endless supply of incredibly cute dogs
09:00 PARKRUN!
09:00 Feel amazing. Run easily with no aches, pains and definitely no tightening calves. Sprint in to lead. Nemesis fading behind me
09:12:30 Complete parkrun in new world record time
09:15 Take pictures of all 200 other runners with brand new Nikon D5
09:30 Carried aloft around course by other runners
09:50 Celebrate everyone in race beating their own PBs with sausage and egg sandwiches all round
11:00 Arrive home to find all photos have magically processed themselves and jumped on to the internet of their own accord. None are blurred or out of focus
11:10 Write funniest run report in history of run reporting
17:00 Steak dinner and..........prosecco!




I LOVE parkrun


I love that everyone is welcome. I love that at my first parkrun there was a 30+ stone man working *really* hard to improve his health. I love that Jonathan Brownlee holds the course record at York. I love that there are kids with their parents and dogs with their humans. I love that I can use it for rehab after an injury. I love that there is often cake. I love that I have an exclusive card that gives me access to hundreds of events the world over. I love that anyone who wants it can have that same access. I love that people happily volunteer to be VI guides. I love that I paced my friend to her first ever sub 30 time. I love having a profile with all my stats. I love that I can run a course of any kind: grass, tarmac, mud, hills and every combination of the above. I love that I can run them around lakes, coastlines, castles, stately homes, housing estates, sports fields, a ninja turtle shaped-park and other countries. I love the shirts that I am working to earn. I love staying with my camera until the final finisher to make sure everyone gets a photo. I love that there are people that only volunteer and don't run because they know how special it is. I love that there are so many people so dedicated to their parkruns and I love that there are people that only go tourist. I love that it's free. I love being able to race and get a time. I love that there are people as happy to break 50 minutes as 20 minutes. I love the diversity. I love that we all get to share it together. I love Saint Sinton-Hewitt for having set this all in motion and keeping it on the right path. I love that toddlers mix with teens that mix with the middle-aged that mix with the elderly, and I love that everyone of them is a parkrunner. I love that people walk and wheel and limp and sprint and smile at parkrun. I love that former olympic athletes take part. I love buying a bacon sarnie and mug of tea in the sports association after the run and chatting to everyone and I love that the money goes towards the sports association. I love the marshals that cheer me on. I love a PB. I love a milestone.
I love the parks
I love the running

I LOVE parkrun!





A non-tourist tourist parkrun day 25/3/17


07:45 Alarm goes on special day. Time to head to Bramley (Actually the closest run to my own home) because it's the last chance to do this parkrun in my running club's (Horsforth Fellandale) parkrun championship
07:47 Feel heavily hung-over. Odd, as I don't get hang overs and I didn't actually have a drink at Fellandale's awards dinner last night!
08:00 CAFFEINE!!
08:34 Admire new "parkrunner" sticker in back window of my car
08:35 Give skoda DJ at least 47 chances to choose motivational song, arrive at parkrun with skoda DJ having failed in task
08:45 Realise parkrun barcode card will not fit in regulation Fellandale blue shorts. Revert to plan B and grab laminated card and fold up to fit in tiny shorts pocket
08:50 Violate toilet in Bramley's park hut
08:55 Chat to other Fellandalers before the off, enjoying the glorious sunshine. (and no that's NOT a joke!! it was sunny!)
09:02 PARKRUN!!
09:02:05 LEAD PARKRUN!!!!!
09:02:10 Overtaken by small child
09:03 At top of "Upward flat section" small child tires badly. Resist urge to blow raspberry at child as I pass
09:04 Begin to be over taken by more bigger runners
09:03-09:21Summat- Pant, pant, PANT. GRUNT. WHEEZE. PAIN
09:12 Begin to weave in and out of back-markers. Much slower runners blocking entire path on down hill section. 10 seconds to make decision....left? right? grass?
09:12:10 Gap miraculously opens in road block accompanied by sounds of choir of small children and blinding light from heaven. Cruise through centre of runners
09:17ish Go up "upward flat section" for 4th and final time. ARRGGHH!
09:21 Try to stop self from vomiting in finish funnel. Only just manage it
09:22 Cheer in amazing small child whom I wrongly thought had tired badly and must have been miles behind me!
09:22:30 Cheer in rest of Fellandalers and thank amazing volunteers who are brilliant at shouting out encouragement!
09:30 Offer to write run report for Bramley parkrun page which is gratefully accepted
10:00 HUGE full English to celebrate another post-stress fracture PB and post PPPP to facebook

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