twit me up @Scott_Leach
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| At my 50th parkrun a few years ago |
Always the bridesmaid
I have never won a parkrace, nor have I finished first at a parkrun, but annoyingly I have finished 2nd on 4 separate occasions, so sit down and let me tell you the tales of those races, sorry, I mean events.
The reason for my lack of gold medals is fairly simple, I'm really not that fast. Oh sure, for a parkrunner, I'm fast; but there always seems to be some bastard who turns out who's faster than me.
Throughout my parkrun life I have run 19 sub-20 minute times and finished in the top 10 over 50 times and to someone whose main running experience is parkrun, that might sound rapid, but sadly not in the grand scheme. My 5k parkrun PB is 18:53 and in the race that was set, I finished 37th of 121. At a parkrun of a similar field, there's a fair chance I would have finished first with that time. The winner in that race at the Brownlee centre ran 15:30, I wasn't even close enough to eat his dust, it had completely settled by the time I went past so I was unable to get even a taste. I'm guessing it would have tasted like a winner; a taste I do not know.
In the 8 and a half years I've been running parkruns seldom have I been at a reasonable fitness, such is my propensity for injury. Fitness is generally my issue and when I say fitness, I mean when I fitness whole pizza and six pack in my mouth, whilst I'm injured. Still, sometimes I manage to get a period of decent training in and I flirt with the podium at a parkrace.
I ran a sub 20 time just over 2 years ago at Sewerby on the cliffs. It was mine and Alex's first day out together after meeting the month before. To followers of Mickey, Rocky Balboa's trainer who said, "Women weaken legs" it will come as no surprise that this was the last time I ran under 20. I blame it all on
Alex
and her "Quality Street". The bastard.Two of my 4 second places occurred at Wetherby where I've completed more of my parkruns than anywhere else, 23 in total. On both occasions the bastard who beat me was my nemesis
Steve Boynton
. Despite being older than Methusela, I have never beaten him, even after he'd spent a week in Italy marinating in cheese and beer. One time I even led for a couple of kilometres and was ahead 3k in to the race, but the bastard still overtook me, probably sniggering as he did it. I think we can all agree that we hate him, the bastard. Annoyingly though he is far from a bastard and is actually a thoroughly nice chap.My parkrun PB was set at Catterick in 2017. 2 months earlier I had run my PB at the race I mentioned earlier (without vomiting I might add... just!...) But after that I didn't train all that hard so a time of 19:01 on the day came as a surprise. This wasn't one of my second places however, on that day it was good enough for only 4th. I had no expectation of winning as I had looked up previous results and knew that Richmond and Zetland harriers frequent Catterick parkrun often and the week before two foetuses had run under 18 minutes and the first finisher had done 17:18, times I could only dream of. So in the end, no big disappointment and being beaten by a small child was only mildly annoying mainly because he was too fast for me to be able to elbow him in the head at any point.
My closest chance for finishing first came at Marshall Drive. I had been injured for a very long time and was running much slower than usual, so once again, I had no expectation of a high finish. On the drive to the parkrun my back had stiffened like a prisoner's cock on seeing the cleaning lady and was very uncomfortable as I started the run. Previously when this had happened it would grow flaccid and disappear after only a few minutes and I would be able to run freely. On this day it didn't and the next few hours after the parkrun my back became more and more painful and I ended up having to have a week off work. Back to the parkrun though, and soon after the start I realised that there were no fast runners at this parkrun and the runner in first place was pretty close and really not moving all that quickly. On almost any other Saturday in the previous 6 years I would have been way out in front, but not today. I hoped he might tire but in the end he didn't and his winning time was 22:29, I came in half a minute later. Initially I was annoyed, my best chance of a first place and it was blown! For fucks' sake!! But then I saw the winner looking incredibly happy. He was taking pictures with the first place token. He came over to talk to me in his excitement and joy and told me it was his first time in first position and that he'd run over 300 parkruns. I couldn't begrudge him, he looked so happy and eventually I just enjoyed seeing a fellow parkrunner celebrating his win.
In 2016 I travelled daaarnn saaarth to see Hull FC in the challenge cup final. I camped outside Rickmansworth and went to the Aquadrome for the parkrun before the game. It was a boiling hot day so I abandoned my idea to run in a Hull FC shirt and instead went for a Hull FC training vest that I had mercifully brought with me.
Being just outside London I fully expected to finish a fair way back in the pack despite at the time being parkrunner quick and when a small girl shot off in front of me from the start, I was certain. However, she quickly died after probably 400 metres and after we'd said a few solemn words over her corpse we carried on, because kids, they've got to learn.
At 1km I was leading and no one seemed to be behind me. I tried not to be excited as there was a long way to go, but did I dare to believe that no one proper fast had turned out?
No, of course not. Some 18 year-old bastard casually cruised by me like I was going backwards and finished 48 seconds in front of me without breaking sweat. Young bastard. Chatting to him after the run, he also turned out to be annoyingly nice. The bastard.
So there you go. Always the bridesmaid. And until I am a bigger bastard than everyone else, a bridesmaid I shall remain.
