Strava

Saturday 21 January 2017

Parkrunning across the universe, only going forward 'cos we can't find reverse



Parkrunning across the universe, only going forward 'cos we can't find reverse.


Midweek: Find out there is a parkrun in Wolverhampton in a ninja turtle-shaped park! Stay amused for rest of week.
Friday: Pressure builds to write highly amusing parkrun report. Feck it, I'll just write my usual unfunny one instead
Saturday

07:55 Girlfriend's alarm goes off 5 minutes before mine, presumably as a punishment for "volunteering" her for scanning duty after plea from ED for marshals.
07:57 Set coffee machine off with Sainsbury's own brand ground coffee as am now part of the middle class
08:00 Startled by MY alarm going off
08:01 Choose between Hull FC vest (2016 Challenge cup winners COYH) or "hilarious" "Education is important, but running is importanter" tshirt. Go for latter
08:02 Don more lycra than is respectable for a 42 year old man
08:05 CAFFEINE!!
08:15 Enter bathroom
08:15:30 Commit crime against humanity
08:25 Remember to perform all physio exercises and roll on mini basketball. Hum Barbara Streisand hits
08:27 Begin to cajole girlfriend to hurry up so we are not late. Girlfriend still in dressing gown
08:30 Give girlfriend 5 minute warning. Refrain from shouting "Awooga"
08:40 Leave for parkrun
08:41 Select Journey's classic "Don't stop believin'" on car stereo.
08:42 Sing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.
08:43 Girlfriend gives me "unimpressed look"
08:48 Arrive at car park and start speed walking to start
08:55 Strip and make fuss of lovely whippet
08:57 Quickly show girlfriend camera so she can get runners on first lap. Neglect to show her how to use pro lens that she hasn't used before. Whoops
09:00 PARKRUN!!
09:02 Left shoe lace unties completely
09:05 Rather surprised that young lad who sets off in the lead is wearing very large down jacket
09:10 Eventually tell young lad that he needs to go around the cones rather than cutting every single corner "But it's muddy" "Tough, it's muddy for everyone" (Cones are partly to prevent damage to pitches so important for not annoying the local footballers and sports association)
09:20 Hear what I think is young lad catching me. Am actually passed by grey haired lady who is moving at a lick! Results show she is a veteran 60-64 from York!!!! RESPECT!
09:21:31 Enter finish funnel and left shoe finally gives up holding on and I leave it behind. Marshal helpfully picks it up and starts to put it neatly away. Hop after her on one foot "Actually, I do rather need that back"
09:22 Wave barcode in front of girlfriend who is clearly miles away
09:23 Grab camera and start snapping
09:35 Cafe: Laugh at bulldog trying to get on cafe counter after he smells frying bacon/sausages
09:40 SAUSAGES BUTTIES!
09:42 Post PPP (Post parkrun porn) picture of sausage sarnie to parkrun discussion group. I WILL make it catch on :)
09:45 Look through photos. Good lord, I'm fat!
10:10 Find parkrun card on ground on way out of sports assoc. ICE information reads: "Handle like eggs"
10:15 Text message: Scott, your time in position 6 at Wetherby parkrun was 21:31. Well done. Thanks also for volunteering. (22 seconds faster than last week, result!)
10:48 Card owner returns my call whilst I'm in Morrisons's buying ingredients for Shepherd's pie. Arrange to exchange card on Tuesday
11:30 Select music for drive home; Kaiser Chiefs classic. Change lyrics to "I predict a diet"
12:00 Start download and processing of pictures12:57 Girlfriend claims she is "tired" from scanning duties....
13:03 Publish report as photos are taking forever. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand relax

Sunday 15 January 2017

Another parkrun day 14/1/17

Another parkrun day.....

That's not me, he's just a very happy bloke I happened to photograph


03:34 Woken by cat screaming whilst sitting in middle of bed
06:34 Wake up for the 14th billionth time and with a painful yet strangely numb arm.
08:00 Woken by alarm
08:02:53 Crawl to bathroom sobbing
08:10 Disaster! Discover boiler has gone off and cannot warm coffee pot before putting in machine meaning probably lukewarm coffee!!
08:15 Manage to reset boiler. Phew!!
08:20 Choose between 2013 Oslo marathon tshirt which has very little life left in it due to poor quality of printing or Trafford 10k tshirt. Plump for former
08:21 Caffeine hit!
08:29 Assault toilet
08:30 Reflect on the fact that I may have last night, somewhat unwisely, after a couple of glasses of wine, announced on facebook page that I plan to win today's parkrun by nobbling 10 other runners
08:35 Check through window to see if any police cars outside.
08:45 Leave for parkrun with relieving lack of flashing blue lights
08:47 Return to house for trainers
08:50 Select today's adrenaline inducing banging choon on car stereo- Hard to Beat by Hard-fi. Sing like loon
08:52 Arrive at Wetherby car park; now in serious hurry to get to start line on time
08:54 Whilst speed walking realise have forgotten to do physio exercises
08:55 Do some quick hip-hitches. Resist urge to sing "I'm coming out"
08:57 Strip and put on trainers etc- leave huge pile of clothing as have brought extra warm gear so can photograph runners later
09:00 Still lacing up trainers when ED announces we are about to start!
09:00:10 Realise have forgotten barcode card!
09:00:15 Get  back-up laminated barcode from sports bag and stuff in back pocket of shorts, because am genius
09:00:45 Put on other glove as sprinting away from start
09:01 Laugh as the 2 young lads that have blistered away from start line playfully shoulder charge each other as they disappear away from the rest of us mere mortals
09:02 Realise that have not tied up left trainer well enough
09:04 Realise that inov8 mudclaw fell trainers are not best choice on completely frozen mud
09:10 Settle in to tenth position
09:21:30 Realise runner behind is coming up fast as we approach finish line
09:21:35 Find killer instinct and sprint like a nutter for line to retain tenth position
09:23 Realise that cannot find back-up barcode in pocket because am def not genius
09:25 Grab camera and start snapping away at other runners
09:40 BACON!

09:50 Arrive home and find barcode stuck to inside of pocket with buttock sweat
10:29 Text message: Scott, thanks for volunteering today at Wetherby parkrun. Your efforts are greatly appreciated by us and all the runners. (They haven't seen the pictures yet!)
10:40 Head to shower to avoid "You stink" comments only to find girlfriend has put washing machine on.
11:00. Start processing pictures!
11:30 Delete worst blurry photos
11:40 Start download!
11:42 Aaaaaand, relax!
11:44 Text message: Scott, your time in position 10 today at Wetherby parkrun was 21:53. Well done. (33 seconds faster than last week. Result!)
18:00 Open magnum of prosecco

A parkrun day 7/1/17

A parkrun day...
Here's one someone took earlier. Think this was at Woodhouse moor parkrun about 3 years ago
07:50 Wake naturally 10 minutes before the alarm, result!
07:55 Put the coffee machine on
08:00 Startled by alarm going off
08:01 Choose between wearing "intimidating" ultra-marathon tshirt to "psyche" out the "opposition" or awesome cool Halloween Scarborough 10k tshirt. Plump for latter
08:10 Caffeine hit!
08:20 Violate the toilet
08:30 Check TUE certificate is still valid
08:31 Steroid inhaler
08:40 Leave for parkrun Wetherby
08:41 Select adrenaline-inducing tune "Reverend" by The Kings of Leon on car stereo and sing it at the top of my voice
08:50 Arrive at park and do incredibly camp hip exercises the physio has given me on steps in front of sports association- manage not to get arrested or put on any registers but earn some funny looks
08:55 Strip!
08:57 Pat cute doggies!
09:00 PARKRUN!
09:01 Wonder if I am going to finish behind man pushing large child in buggy
09:05 Pass buggy, phew!
09:05-09:22:26  ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!
09:26:30 Try to get brain to tell hands to hold out token and barcode. Pretty much fail
09:27 See life flash before eyes. DAMN! I eat a lot of cake!
09:28 Manage to gasp out a thank you to marshals
09:30 Laugh as large child emerges from buggy and pulls woolly hat out of eyes
09:35 Man behind cafe counter asks me "Is it raining outside?" Me: "Um no, I've just been running"
09:36 Try not to drip on cafe counter
09:40 BACON!

09:41 Post PPP bacon picture to parkrun discussion group
10:17 Text message: Scott, your time in position 13 today at Wetherby parkrun was 22:26. Well done.
10:18 Sit wondering if being 13th 2 weeks running is an odd omen especially whilst wearing 10k Halloween tshirt....
10:20 Throw trainers, tshirt and hat into courtyard after dagger looks from girlfriend
10:30 Aaaaaaaaaand relax
11:30 Eventually go for a shower because, apparently, I am "stinking out the house"